Don’t get me wrong. Moving is hard. I crave stability for my children, and I want them to feel loved wherever they are. However, as life would have it, I have moved eighteen times since leaving home at age eighteen. All of my worldly possessions have fit inside a pickup truck, and we’ve had corporate moves in an eighteen wheeler. Either way, when you spend thirteen years in the military and then join a mobile job market, moving is not always a choice. Here are some things that I have learned along the way.

Life is a series of tradeoffs.

In a nutshell, you can’t have it all. Affordable housing, abundant jobs, no traffic, excellent public schools, convenient shopping and full amenities—pick two, maybe three. However, all of these things do not exist in one place.

Living in a big city is exciting, and there are unlimited amenities and cultural resources, such as museums, plays, and parks. Restaurants are abundant, and there is never a shortage of things to do. But housing is expensive, and traffic can be unbearable. There are expectations that one will stay in the office well into the evening hours, with barely a nod to family dinners and bedtime routines for kids. However, living in a smaller city or town can be an adjustment, too. Traffic is manageable and family life is culturally encouraged, but the weekends and summers are slower with fewer options for entertainment and enrichment. Women are viewed differently. Life is a series of trade offs.

When you live in San Francisco, you crave cheaper housing. When you move out to the suburbs, you miss walking to your favorite restaurants. When you move to the middle of the country, you love the pace but you miss the beach. There is no perfect place to live. So perhaps we should not spend too much time and energy dreaming of greener pastures. The truth is, there’s a little bit of green and a little bit of yellowing grass in every pasture. And if you ask me, you can put up with a lot anywhere when you are sharing life with people you love and appreciate (the military is brilliant at cultivating this shared purpose.) Thus, when people ask me, “Which do you like better? Boston or Oklahoma? New York City or California? Florida or North Carolina?” My answer is simple. 1) I like the places where I felt deep connections to people. 2) Each place has value; they are just different.

Moving helps you better define “home.”

When you have moved a lot, you realize that home is wherever your friends and family are—home is not necessarily defined by a house or street address. Home isn’t defined by government jurisdiction or political views. Moving helps clarify this point, as you learn that you can make a home anywhere. I learned this spending major holidays on an aircraft carrier, or at “home” eating Thanksgiving dinner far from my hometown with friends (who were like family.)

Moving helps you understand our need to belong.

In any given place, there are two kinds of people—natives and transplants (insiders and outsiders.) The natives were born and raised in one place, and they know everything about that place. They perfected the local system, and they are the system. Transplants have less attachment to these systems. In larger cities or communities where every other person is a transplant, this is not such a big deal. In smaller communities, you can really become aware of what it feels like to be in the outer circle. This need to belong is profound, and it holds true across the generations, whether your child has moved to a new school or your grandmother is adjusting to a nursing home.

When you have been in one place for a long time, you may not even notice these subtleties. However, moving has made me much more empathetic to this cause, and makes me want to help everyone feel like an insider. Showing up brand new somewhere can make you feel really insecure and vulnerable. When I see a family who looks new or different, or if someone is standing alone nearby, I want to say hi and let them know that they are important. They are insiders with me.

Everyone has a need to belong, and I have moved around enough to know that the barriers we put up and the pecking orders that people try to establish just do not matter. We are all human beings worthy of love and belonging, regardless of where we came from.

Moving helps you to be more creative.

Every new idea is pretty much a reworking or recombination of a previous idea. New inventions, songs, or pieces of art are likely to be inspired by something that already exists. Therefore, you would assume that the more places and ideas that you are exposed to, the more material that you have to springboard and come up with new ideas, or different ways of looking at things. Moving and travel have definitely helped me to be more insightful by just looking at the world in different ways.

You put less stock in material things.

When you move on to a ship, off a ship, and on a ship again, you learn that your material things are only so important. The same has occurred as we have packed up the family for various job opportunities. Paring down is a constant process, and we still have way too much stuff!

Nevertheless, when you have to move that stuff, you think differently about it. You question it. You clean it. You assess whether it is still working or not. This is a healthy practice, as living in one place for a really long time can help us amass an exorbitant amount of stuff.

The tradeoffs of moving.

Not everything about picking up your life and transferring it to another place is glamorous. First of all, moving is stressful. It can also be lonely, as you struggle to grow roots before picking up and moving on to the next place. Consistency is important, especially with kids.

Those who move frequently may also find it more difficult to be content in life. This can be a good thing (Are you constantly striving to be better?), or it can also be unhelpful (If you are always dreaming of another place, it can be difficult to enjoy the moment you are in. Remember those elusive greener pastures?) Moving as a family also complicates matters, as one place may be great for some family members but not others. As with everything in life, there are positives and not-so-positives with moving.

Love your neighbor first. Try to appreciate our differences.

Overall, I wouldn’t trade my experiences moving for anything, despite the inconvenience, adjustments, and even loneliness. My empathy spectrum is wide, and I have a heart for all kinds of people in lots of different places with different perspectives. I appreciate urbanites loving the excitement and thrill of their cities, and I appreciate those in rural America preferring a simpler life. Thanks to moves from red states to blue states to purple states, I see why Democrats might see the world as they do, and Republicans the same.

See, being a geographic mutt isn’t so bad (although just mentioning politics in a post has already made me sweat.) Perhaps we should talk about how much I love the food from all of the places I’ve lived? Hmmm. Shall we start with lobster, fried chicken, or steak?

Are you considering a move? Have you moved a lot?

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I love sharing ideas and exchanging fun and interesting experiences with people. Here are a few things that have caught my interest lately.

A little sip of heaven.

I’m not typically a foo-foo coffee drinker with pumps of syrup and whipped cream filling up your lid dome. However, I have been introduced to a drink that puts a little foo in your brew…and it’s awesome. Have you tried a drink at Starbucks called the Salted Cream Cold Foam Cold Brew? It’s a little taste of heaven—both sweet and salty. Only 230 calories, it sounds like a mouthful when you order it, but the complexity excites with each sip. A hint of caramel and savory whipped cream top Starbuck’s smooth cold brew (helping make it not too sweet.) It’s really delicious! Salted. Cream. Cold. Foam. Cold. Brew. Say it really fast 10 times and then try it!

Brené Brown’s The Call to Courage is Now on Netflix

Facing your fears and overcoming shame in your life can be terrifying. But fortunately, we have Dr. Brené Brown to get us through! Her books—The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, Braving the Wilderness, and Dare to Lead—have made an impact on my life after seeing her now-viral 2010 TEDx Houston talk, The Power of Vulnerability. When I say viral, I think the numbers are up to 42 million views? Dr. Brown’s combination of wit, humor, empathy, and intelligence is impressive, as she takes you on a journey of self-reflection and challenges you to step boldly into the uncertain and unknown. Watch it! You won’t be disappointed.

Disney+. Predicting early success.

Disney has announced the launch of its new streaming service, Disney+, on November 12, 2019. Disney+ is offering both legacy and new content from a list of brands that reads like a who’s who in the entertainment biz: Disney, Pixar, Star Wars, Marvel, 20th Century Fox, and National Geographic. The service will compete with the streaming services of Netflix and Amazon Prime video, but there is likely plenty of content to go around. Also hailing from Disney, Frozen 2 is scheduled to be released on November 22, 2019, in 2D, 3D and IMAX 3D.

Beam me up, Scotty, in an Uber air taxi.

Aerial ridesharing is not as far off as you think. Uber Air is developing shared air transportation—with a planned launch in 2023— for affordable travel between suburbs and cities (starting with Los Angeles and Dallas). The Uber Elevate team is also pretty excited about developing its Elevate Cloud Services software for managing unmanned vehicles in dense areas of low altitude air traffic. I must say that I am skeptical on this one. Not too interested in seeing someone’s Pad Thai delivery getting sucked down an airliner’s intake as part of an UberEats experiment. Lots of air traffic to deconflict. Someone will figure it out!

Man accidentally swallowed his Air Pod

Good to know that if you lose your Air Pods, you can always use the Apple tracking feature to find them. Apparently, a guy in Taiwan fell asleep with his Air Pods on, swallowed one, and then found it in his stomach through his tracking devices. He said that he didn’t understand where the noise was coming from at first. However, a hospital verified the discovery in his stomach, and the man passed the earbud through his digestive system. Once dried out, the earbud had a 41% battery life and still worked!

Echo Dot Kid’s Edition

Did you know that Amazon recently released an Echo Dot Kid’s Edition, an Echo (better known as Alexa) designed for kids? Now Alexa can play music, read stories, answer questions, fart, and tell jokes to your kids—all with younger ears in mind. The kiddie Echo comes with 1 year of Amazon FreeTime Unlimited (including over 1000 Audible books and songs, games, and skills from Disney, National Geographic, etc.), plus a 2-year guarantee on the product (if your kids break their Echo, Amazon will replace it for free.) Parental controls in the online Amazon Parent Dashboard let you set daily time limits and review activity (e.g., number of “Baby Shark” requests), and you can filter out explicit songs from Apple Music, Amazon Music, and Spotify.

I’m Doing Literally Nothing in my Active Wear

So this video is a few years old, but I have to add it to my inaugural list of fun things because it’s guaranteed to make you smile. It’s a spoof by the Australian comedy sketch group, Skit Box, assuring us that it’s totally appropriate to wear active wear anywhere you want. Never mind the gym.

Be Kind and Eat Ice Cream

Finally, this story is a memorable one. Dr. Alastair McAlpine asked the terminally ill children under his care what they enjoy about life and what gives life meaning as an assignment for his palliative care diploma program at the University of Cape Town in South Africa. The results are posted in this heartwarming Twitter thread. “NONE said they wished they’d watched more TV. NONE said they should’ve spent more time on Facebook. NONE said they enjoyed fighting with others. NONE enjoyed hospital,” he wrote — especially poignant since these are children who likely spend a lot of their limited time there.”

The young children, ages 4 to 9, had already figured out what was important, mentioning loving their family, hearing stories, building sandcastles at the beach, laughing, playing with pets, and oh…eating ice cream.

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Tired of the news and social media posts highlighting the negativity around us? Check out these items that share a message of kindness.

Kind People Are My Kinda People by StrongGirlClothing at ETSY

Super soft T-shirt: In a world where you can be anything. Be kind. By Thread Tank

#bekind shirt

House Rules: Be Kind. Work hard. Stay humble…wall decor.

Kindness Matters Bestselling T-shirt by RiversJourney on ETSY

Love is patient, love is kind…1 Corinthians 13:4-7 wall plaque

Silicone bracelet: Be The Change You Wish To See In The World UV Color-Changing 2-Sided Silicone Bracelet

Kindness will never go extinct! Pass this Stuffed Kind-O-Saurus around your classroom, or your home, when kids are caught being kind.

A wonderful metaphor for being kind: How Full Is Your Bucket? Each of us has an invisible bucket. When our bucket is full, we feel great. When it’s empty, we feel awful.

Cultivate Kindness Canvas Tote by FEED found at Nordstrom

Cool To Be Kind Graphic Tee by SUB_URBAN RIOT found at Nordstrom

Be True. Be You. Be Kind. MANTRABAND® BRACELET

Cool to Be Kind shirt for boys or girls at Mini-Boden USA

Be A Nice Human Tee by SUB_URBAN RIOT found at Nordstrom

ED Ellen DeGeneres Crafted by Royal Doulton® “Choose Kindness” Mug

Work Hard and Be Nice Graphic Tee by SUB_URBAN RIOT found at Nordstrom

Find hundreds of ideas for you and your kids at Random Acts of Kindness | Kindness Ideas

The post Kindness Matters: Spread a Positive Message With These Items appeared first on UPKiQ.

I like to be thrifty whenever possible, and there are many things that I can do without. However, some things are worth it. I call it frugal splurging! The idea is to buy quality over quantity (i.e., buy one really nice coat instead of a collection of hoodies, or skip five mediocre meals at a chain restaurant for one terrific meal that you will savor and remember.) My frugal splurging philosophy also prioritizes buying experiences over things.

However, when you do buy things, and you use them every day, make sure they are good ones. These items represent (is that Julie Andrews?) the everyday items in my life that are worth an investment.  Note: The following contains affiliate links.

Apple Watch

My Apple watch keeps me healthy! It gently taps me on the wrist and tells me to move, breathe, and drink water. Once you learn to appreciate “closing your rings” on the Activity app, you will want to wear this device all your waking hours. My workouts and ring-closing milestones are also shared with my mom, my brother, and a friend using the Sharing feature, which is awesome. It’s not over-sharing when it comes to your health and people who love you! I find it very motivating for workout accountability. It also keeps my seventy something mother moving.

The Apple Watch Series 3 and above features cellular service, as well. So, you can go for a jog with just your watch and make calls, get texts, and listen to your music. The Walkie Talkie feature is fun, too (until your friends walkie-talkie you in church—for fun.)

Apple Air Pods

Apple Air Pods are used daily in our household for personal calls, out-of-office conference calls, podcasts, audio books, music, and more. The sound quality and clarity are terrific, and the magnetic charging case is sleek and innovative. If you are concerned about losing the small ear buds, you can always try different wireless headphones, such as headphones from Beats, but they do have a tracking feature like all Apple products.

Quality Bedding

Think about how many hours you spend in your bed. A quality mattress, high thread count sheets, and a super soft blanket are ways to optimize this experience, and you don’t have to spend a fortune to make a big difference. In the winter, I like to add an electric blanket to layer, making my sleep environment extra warm and cozy.  

Electronics Charging Station

These are evolving rapidly and come in many different brands; however, we have a large charging station organizer with slots in the kitchen for different devices (smart phones, iPads, Kindles, tablets, etc.) and a personal organizer beside the bed for Apple devices: iPhone, Apple watch, and AirPods. Not only do these stations help with cord management, but they also keep your electronics in one place. 

Multiple Screens for your Home and Office Computers

This is a productivity enhancer to the nth degree for the home or office. Two or three large screens added to your PC or laptop docking station and you can manage multiple applications simultaneously with visuals all around. You’ll never want to work on just a laptop again once you optimize your setup.

Essential Oil Diffuser

Maybe some have not considered essential oils; however, I think they’re awesome. I like taking a bath, or going to bed at night, with essential oils flowing nearby. The experience can be peaceful (lavender) or rejuvenating (citrus). Just fill a simple diffuser with a small amount of water and a few drops of oil. Ah! For ten to fifteen bucks, you can experience aromatic joy. For a little more, find a diffuser that blends in with your decor. It’s better than smelling old house, shoes, or dirty clothes!

Coffee / Expresso Machine

Let’s sum this up as good coffee you can get at home. For some, this involves a Keurig or Nespresso machine with a milk frother. For others, a handy grinder and some high-quality beans will suffice. As much as I love drinking Folgers with my grandmother, have you ever met anyone who regrets upgrading their coffee? 

Cutco Trimmer Knife

A good set of knives is always splurge-worthy and Cutco rocks. Known as “the knife” in our family, the Cutco Trimmer is the one that barely makes it out of the drying basket before it is used again. Cutco also offers many other high quality American-made knives that can be mailed in to be sharpened anytime.  This is one of the highest use items in our entire home.

Glass Tupperware or Glass Food Storage Containers

Why glass? Because you can reheat leftovers safely in glass containers without dirtying up two dishes. No re-heating in plastic. Why did glass Tupperware make this list, of all things? Because eating from home is almost always healthier (and cheaper) than eating out.

Home Workout Gear

The older I get, the more I realize that any investment in health is one worth making. Weights, mats, exercise balls, and stationary bikes that you use? Worth every penny. Just find your niche for working out at home and make your environment friendly to exercise. Set up an area for workout videos (they all stream through the same source now). Splurge on a Pelaton bike or treadmill. Clear a path inside to walk while you make phone calls. Make it easy to move in your home.  

A Favorite Jacket or Coat

If I could, I would wear comfy, outdoorsy-type clothing all the time; thus, in Yoda-speak, no fashionista am I. However, when you do have to dress up beyond a t-shirt and sweatpants, you can make lots of so-so outfits look pulled together with a nice coat, blazer or jacket.

• For work: Classic wool coat (You wear it every day, so buy one notch nicer than you would for casual wear; favorite colors: camel or gray)
• Cold weather climate: There are many coats today that are like wearable blankets. The North Face Metropolis made living in Boston better, covering my backside from the cold air while keeping the puffy down insulation tailored.
• Casual Sporty: Patagonia Nano Puff. I heart this lightweight jacket, and it’s like adding two feathers to your suitcase for travel. 
• Casual Fashion: Try a shorter stylish jacket (not one that hits at your hips) or a comfy, yet structured sweater blazer. 

Perfect Fit Jeans (whatever style fits you)

As someone who is tall, the perfect fit part can be hard to find. Just keep searching for your niche: curvy, petite, tall, high rise, etc. I like Joe’s Honey Curvy Skinny Jeans, but no ankle styles, please (those skim my shins). Another best seller with 2000+ good reviews on Amazon is Signature by Levi Strauss & Co. Gold Label Women’s Totally Shaping Pull-on Skinny Jeans (only $25 in short, medium, and long). What are your perfect fit jeans?

High-Quality Hair Dryer

My hair is naturally curly, coarse, and frizzy, so life changed when I traded in my $15 Conair for a high-powered hair dryer. Men will never understand this problem; however, compound the time it takes to dry your hair every day, or every other day, and it adds up. Let’s also not forget the miracle of de-poofing frizz.

• Hair dryer: Dyson Super Sonic, BaByliss PRO Ceramix (less expensive option for high quality), BaBylissPRO Nano Titanium Portofino Full-Size (this is a fast dryer), or another salon grade hair dryer.

Great Pair of Sneakers

A great pair of sneakers will not only make you feel good but will be comfortable to match. Find your favorite workout sneakers (I love ASICS Gel Quantum 360 Running Shoes with a large open toe box) and then consider some casual sneakers. Tennis shoes for my kids also fall in the same category – these are almost always a high-use, high-value purchase.

• Nike React Flynit
• Nike Classic Cortez
• Adidas UltraBoost 19

Sunglasses That You Love

This category comes down to personal preference (cheaper is better if sunglasses have a hard time staying in your possession.) However, I am a definite Ray-Ban fan, alternating between comfortable Wayfairer sunglasses and lightweight Aviators (always purchased during a mega sale.)

Otherwise, choose your favorite brand, knowing that if you buy nicer sunglasses, you are more likely to take care of them. Note: I prefer polarized options, if you can handle the cost (polarized lenses have a special filter that blocks intensely reflected light, such as when you’re on the water, reducing glare and discomfort.)

• Ray-Ban Classic Wayfarer Sunglasses
• Ray-Ban Classic Aviators Polarized Sunglasses

The post 15 Everyday Items That are Worth Buying appeared first on UPKiQ.

Hello! Welcome to UPKiQ! I’m so glad that you’re here. If you’re looking for a big-hearted, thoughtful approach to the topics that affect our families and our lives today, then you’ve come to the right place.

I get tired of all the negativity and not-so-smart media in the news and online. As a woman, I’m exhausted by how much of this media focuses on physical beauty, too. We need more voices reflecting different values.

What does “A Better Us” look like? What does a better you look like? Have you ever thought about all of the ingredients that go into making you a healthy you? Life is complicated with hundreds of distractions on any given day, so where do we focus? How do we prioritize what is really important? How do we balance work and time spent in technology with the essentials? What are the essentials?

Hopefully, UPKiQ can help you think about these things in a fun yet different way. For example, if we had to boil down the things that generally help us live better lives, it might start with these basic questions. What do we eat? Are we getting enough sleep? Are we moving? What company do we keep? Do we have a sense of purpose and healthy perspective on life? How does our spirituality or religious beliefs oversee these areas?

• Eat
• Sleep
• Move
• Relationships
• Purpose/work
• Spirituality/Religion

In a world of infinite complexity, who knew that life could be that simple? Right. The reason we know these things are essential is because when one or more is off, we’re off. I’ve learned this firsthand, and I want to share in a community that has learned firsthand and can share tips and assure others that “You can do it” and “You’re not alone.” We all want to better ourselves and know more about the world around us. We’re also spending lots of time with technology, so let’s find new and innovative ways to build community, share ideas, and find support!

I got the chance to see the power of the sharing community years ago as a mother compiling practical advice for a couple of parenting books I was writing. A combination of interviews, surveys, and friends a lot smarter than me helped facilitate the process, however I was astounded at the quantity and quality of profound parenting wisdom that was collected and passed on. I want to continue to share that information on UPKiQ and exchange tips and tricks on many topics, while trying to filter out the noise. Do you think we can do it?

It can be terrifying to put yourself out there. What if I fail? What if it flops? How will I distinguish this from millions of other blogs? But what if I never tried? We all have a voice. That’s what this site is all about, and I can’t wait for you to join me!

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