To help you survive the days and weeks after birth, I have compiled some tips from parents who have been there and done that, and lived to tell about baby’s first year. Welcome to the world of letting go!
Getting help for the weeks and months after childbirth
- Make sure that you are comfortable with your postpartum help. You do not want helpers whom you must wait on and clean up after.
- Work hard to not be critical of your help. Be as appreciative as you can.
- Be kind and gracious to your mother-in-law if she comes to help after the baby is born. (Note: Many women I have interviewed have mentioned regrets over being snippy, grumpy, obsessive, or generally rude about how their baby was cared for by their mother-in-law after birth. This relationship is inherently complex in every family; however, if your MIL has agreed to stay with you, she is probably just trying to help.)
- If family help is unavailable and you have multiples or babies with health issues, hire a sitter or night nanny for rest breaks, if budget allows.
- Let a friend set up a meal calendar for you on takethemameal.com. You can select which days you would like meals to come and let others know about dietary preferences, food allergies, etc. This is the best gift ever.
- I had twins, and I nearly lost it after our help left and my husband went back to work. The eat-poop-sleep-clean bottles cycle was grueling and one baby was always crying. Get help and do whatever you must do to survive.
Photos
- Find a great photographer for newborn portraits, or stage them yourself.
- Send yourself reminders to take photos of your little one weekly, if you aren’t already snapping away. Print the photos and give them to grandparents as gifts.
- Delete duplicate photos in your photo library. If you end up with thousands of pictures, you will be so overwhelmed that you do nothing with your baby photos. If you have a manageable folder, you will be more inclined to make albums.
- Use an online service to make photo books, such as Shutterfly or My Publisher.
- As baby gets older, try an app, such as BabyCam (with prerecorded noises like bells, drums, doorbells, and songs), to keep baby looking and smiling at the camera.
Health and well-being
- Relax your standards. Ignore the clutter, leave clean clothes in the basket, and eat cereal for dinner when you are feeling overwhelmed.
- Be prepared for the blues or postpartum depression, especially if you have experienced previous depression.
- Expect to have postpartum issues if you have perfectionist tendencies.
- While on maternity leave, you may have conflicting feelings about your new life, loving your comfy clothes and cuddling but also wanting to get back to work.
- Try to respect your family and postpartum cultural traditions, but at the same time, express your own needs and desires (to avoid stressful situations later). My mom came to stay with me after my daughter was born and wanted me to observe the Chinese custom of zuo yuezi (this means “sitting the month” in Mandarin). I was fine eating her warm broths and mostly staying inside, but I drew the line with not washing my hair.
- Take regular showers. You will have all kinds of strange smells and fluids coming out of your body after birth. (Note: You also might also get pajama soaking “night sweats” due to hormone fluctuations and fluid loss.)
- Watch out for increased pressure on your neck and back from carrying baby and baby equipment.
- Sleep while others watch the baby. If you do not have help, sleep when the baby sleeps. Laundry can be done later.
- Just remember, when your baby is screaming at 12:15 a.m. and you just went to sleep at midnight, this is truly a short phase in your child’s life.
Technology
Try a few fun apps to ease your transition to parenthood.
- Travel with baby: Cloud Baby Monitor, Baby Monitor HD by Sunshine Apps
- Medical for baby: WebMD Baby
- Breastfeeding (to track feedings): Baby Tracker
- Breastfeeding (to track pumping): Milk Maid
- Baby timers and trackers: Total Baby
- Nighttime feedings: Flashlight
- Colic: Baby Shusher
- Photos of baby: Little Nugget, Chatbooks
- Public restroom finder (for blowouts or nursing): SitOrSquat