Practical Tips from Real Parents: During Child Birth and the Childbirth Recovery (Days and Weeks After Birth)

To help you survive the days and weeks after birth, I have compiled some helpful, unfiltered practical advice from parents who were willing to share honest tips about the birth experience and the weeks thereafter.

In the heat of childbirth

Don’t be surprised if your water breaks before you start labor. My water broke at work at 35 weeks, and I was shocked.
If your labor progresses more rapidly than you expect, have your husband call 911, and they can talk him through the whole process.
Don’t worry if you keep passing gas while pushing. It happens. I was completely mortified, and the nurses hardly seemed phased.
Know that it’s completely normal to throw up while giving birth. I had projectile vomit in the final stages of labor, and my best friend threw up when the doctors started pulling on her stomach to get her baby out during a C-section.
If you are uncomfortable with multiple doctors or nurses in training watching your C-section, tell you doctor beforehand.
I became really uncomfortable when my body went numb for my C-section. I wanted to panic, but just breathe and stay calm.
A pre-natal yoga class prepared me to be upright during labor. It also taught me how to focus on breathing, which I thought was helpful.
Perineal massage gently stretches the tissue that will be wildly stretched during birth. It might help prevent tears.
Get your husband to learn some massage techniques for the labor process.
A doula will strongly advocate for your birth plan wishes during labor. This is partly what you are paying her for, in addition to support.
My baby’s shoulders got stuck, which made my delivery more exciting than I would have hoped. Just know the pain and suffering melts away as soon as you hold baby in your arms.
I was overwhelmed with tears of joy when my daughter was born. I couldn’t believe how much I loved her.

Bonding Tips

Embrace your first bonding moments with baby through skin-to-skin contact and cuddling, if possible.
Talk to baby as soon as she enters the world. She may not be able to see very well however she will recognize your voice.
Don’t worry if you aren’t able to bond with baby right after birth, due to mom or baby’s health. Bonding has occurred throughout pregnancy through smells and sounds in the womb.
The nurses whisked my baby off to the NICU after birth, and I was devastated. Just try to relax and know that you will have plenty of time to bond with your baby later. Your baby’s health is obviously the priority.
If you have a C-section and baby is healthy, ask if your partner can hold baby next to you as you get sewn up.

Recovery Tips

Expect to leave the hospital with no shame left in your being. I had male residents and nurses looking at my hoo-ha during our first meeting. It took my husband months to get that far.
Expect the nurses to come in and offer a massage. It’s actually the worst massage ever, as they knead your belly like bread dough and try to get your uterus to contract and shrink.
I was so wiped out after labor and then an emergency C-section that I hardly could pay attention to my baby.
You may start to wonder if you are ever going to poop again during the first few days after birth. Every hour the nurses will ask you, “Have you passed gas?”
Talk to your doctor about non-opioid pain management after a C-section (e.g., skip the Hydrocodone, such as Vicodin® and use ibuprofen and acetaminophen instead, if possible.)

Newborn Care Tips

Try not to stress too much over baby’s appearance. Newborns can be funny looking with a cone-shaped head, unruly hair, birthmarks, redness, rashes, bruising, baby acne, scratches, and other marks. Most of these are due to mom’s hormones and the birth process.
Newborns have other funny quirks, too. Their eyes are crossed (this should go away in two to three months), their skin sometimes peels, they get startled easily, and they get the hiccups a lot. This is all normal.
I am a labor and delivery nurse, and I often see parents treating their newborn like a porcelain doll. Don’t worry about moving baby or changing her diaper. Just get in there and get the job done.
If possible, try to breastfeed within an hour after birth. This process may feel really awkward if your lower body is still numb from an epidural. You may need help supporting the baby.
If your baby is having problems latching on at first, don’t worry. Talk to your nurses about getting a lactation specialist to work with you and try to be patient.
Use the hospital resources. Get a lactation consultant and ask nurses for baby care tips as a first time parent. Take home all care items: extra pads, mesh undies, nose suction bulb, baby brush, etc.
Make sure that everyone washes his or her hands before holding your newborn.
Have you heard the phrase “Sleep when your baby sleeps?” Do it. You won’t be sorry (take naps when baby naps and go to bed when baby goes to bed.)
Mom needs to chill out when it comes to dad taking over baby care duties. He’s not going to do everything perfectly, or as you would, but give him some space to bond with baby in his own way.

Visitor and Photo Tips (right after birth)

Take pictures of baby right after birth. He or she will be covered in all kinds of blood and sticky stuff, but your kids will love looking at these gooey pictures later.
Put a little bit of makeup on and take family photos in the hospital, even if you are not feeling very photogenic. You will cherish these pictures forever.
Send out a mass email with a photo when the baby is born. The joyful news will spread in seconds, and then hopefully everyone will leave you to rest.
Accept visitors only when you’re ready.
Have a plan and set boundaries for visitors. Let your in-laws, or friends, or aunts and uncles know that you need time to bond with baby before getting bombarded in your hospital room.
If you have lots of family in the area, set visiting hours. Let family know BEFORE baby arrives that you will need your rest.
Have an “out” ready to go with visitors. Either “I need to breastfeed now,” or “I am planning to take a nap at x-time.” Just be prepared to cut visitors off politely when needed.

Preparing to Go Home Tips

Enjoy your quiet, intimate family time in the hospital. This seems to go away once you get home, especially if you have older children.
Rest, rest, rest! There is no shame in sending baby to the hospital nursery, or putting a do-not-disturb sign on your door after the first night.
I thought I would shrink back down to my normal size faster, but I looked six months pregnant in my going home photos. Note: This is due to uterus enlargement and fluid retention.
Prepare your pets for baby. Bring a baby blanket home for your pet to smell, or sleep with, prior to baby’s homecoming.

Getting Help in the Days and Weeks After Birth

Make sure that you are comfortable with your postpartum help. You do not want helpers whom you must wait on and clean up after.
Work hard to not be critical of your help. Be as appreciative as you can.
Be kind and gracious to your mother-in-law if she comes to help after the baby is born. (Note: Many women I have interviewed have mentioned regrets over being snippy, grumpy, obsessive, or generally rude about how their baby was cared for by their mother-in-law after birth. This relationship is inherently complex in every family; however, if your MIL has agreed to stay with you, she is probably just trying to help.)
If family help is unavailable and you have multiples or babies with health issues, hire a sitter or night nanny for rest breaks, if budget allows.
Let a friend set up a meal calendar for you on takethemameal.com. You can select which days you would like meals to come and let others know about dietary preferences, food allergies, etc. This is the best gift ever.
I had twins, and I nearly lost it after our help left and my husband went back to work. The eat-poop-sleep-clean bottles cycle was grueling and one baby was always crying. Get help and do whatever you must do to survive!

Health and Well-being (Weeks After Childbirth)

Relax your standards. Ignore the clutter, leave clean clothes in the basket, and eat cereal for dinner when you are feeling overwhelmed.
Be prepared for the blues or postpartum depression, especially if you have experienced previous depression.
Expect to have postpartum issues if you have perfectionist tendencies.
While on maternity leave, you may have conflicting feelings about your new life, loving your comfy clothes and cuddling but also wanting to get back to work.
Try to respect your family and postpartum cultural traditions, but at the same time, express your own needs and desires (to avoid stressful situations later). My mom came to stay with me after my daughter was born and wanted me to observe the Chinese custom of zuo yuezi (this means “sitting the month” in Mandarin). I was fine eating her warm broths and mostly staying inside, but I drew the line with not washing my hair.
Take regular showers. You will have all kinds of strange smells and fluids coming out of your body after birth. (Note: You also might also get pajama soaking “night sweats” due to hormone fluctuations and fluid loss.)
Watch out for increased pressure on your neck and back from carrying baby and baby equipment.
Sleep while others watch the baby. If you do not have help, sleep when the baby sleeps. Laundry can be done later.
Just remember, when your baby is screaming at 12:15 a.m. and you just went to sleep at midnight, this is truly a short phase in your child’s life.

Tips for Your Marriage or Partnership

Content can also be found in Practical Tips: Your Marriage or Partnership After Baby with ideas for dividing household responsibilities (avoiding Chore Wars)

The best advice that I received after the birth of our first child was to put my marriage first. I had postpartum issues and my husband traveled, and we were living in NYC with no family. I obsessed over caring for our baby, and by the time I went back to work, I had nothing to give to my husband at the end of the day. Not fueling our marriage turned into a big problem.
Remember that your marriage, not your child, is the bedrock of your family. A baby cannot be placed in that position or the family will crumble.
Think of your family like a pyramid. You and your spouse are at the top, and everything else flows down to your children (love, how you treat one another, communication style, etc.)
Want to know what happens when you put your kids before your marriage? Mom and Dad get stressed out and become disconnected, which is miserable, and your kids get more demanding and entitled to your attention, which is also miserable.
Lack of sleep was merely one issue my wife and I had after our first baby. The bigger ones included postpartum depression, breastfeeding challenges, fighting over chores, and just general conflict about how we should raise our child.
My husband and I had lots of conflict caring for our baby together. I had read a library of books about babies, and he read nothing (but thought he knew everything). Our baby had colic and reflux and formula sensitivities. That period of our life was not much fun. If I had to do it over again, I would change how my husband and I communicated.
Expect colic, or your baby crying, to make interactions strained with your husband, as you both try to solve the problem. When this scenario arises, try your best to work together.
Nobody is immune from marital conflict after baby. Expect some type of relational stress, especially when you are ridiculously tired.
If you both work full time, sit down and write out a list of household chores with your husband. Otherwise, you will be doing everything and then wondering why your husband can’t read your mind.
The transition from zero to one child is much harder than one to two children.
Have an honest discussion about the spiritual direction of your family. If you and your spouse do not share religious beliefs, if one is religious and the other is not, or if you were raised with different religious backgrounds, the subject will come up once you have children, especially if one of you wants the child to be christened.
Don’t expect your husband to suddenly become a ‘details guy’ just because you had a baby and need help.
Men are not multitaskers. Having a baby will drive this point home.
Know that no one person has a monopoly on good ideas for your baby, including Mom. Everyone’s input should be valued, although input from parents should come first.
For Mom: Having the ability to breastfeed does not automatically designate you as the better parent. Take a step back and let Dad care for the baby. He doesn’t have to pack the perfect diaper bag. He simply needs space to be a good father.
For Dad: Take a step forward. Take off your shirt and enjoy skin-to-skin contact. Talk to baby, sing to baby, read to baby, and play on the floor. He or she knows your voice and will be comforted by your presence.
If you want men to do more chores around the house, sex is your golden key to clean floors.
The sex argument after baby is tough. I gave my wife plenty of space to heal after her C-section, but then months passed, and we were still not having sex. Maybe it’s by design that a woman’s body isn’t ready for another child, but months without sex stinks for a new dad.
Connecting with your partner after baby does not have to mean ‘date night.’ You can just hang out and enjoy being a family together.
When we get home each day, we share a highlight and a lowlight to keep our communication lines open. These comments have to be specific and in the moment. You can’t just say ‘My day sucked.’ You have to elaborate on something interesting and precise so that your spouse doesn’t tune out repetitive comments or complaints.
Designate a “no screens night,” leaving you little option other than to spend time with your partner.
Create a routine that includes “together time” after baby goes to bed, even if it is simply snuggling on the couch and watching a favorite TV show together.
Try to say “I love you” every night before turning off the lights. These little words can help ease the stresses and trials of the day.

Newborn Photos

Find a great photographer for newborn portraits, or stage them yourself.
Send yourself reminders to take photos of your little one weekly, if you aren’t already snapping away. Print the photos and give them to grandparents as gifts.
Don’t forget to “Delete the Uglies!” Delete duplicate photos in your photo library. If you end up with thousands of pictures, you will be so overwhelmed that you do nothing with your baby photos. If you have a manageable folder, you will be more inclined to make albums.
Use an online service to make photo books, such as Shutterfly, Snapfish, or My Publisher.
As baby gets older, try an app, such as BabyCam (with prerecorded noises like bells, drums, doorbells, and songs), to keep baby looking and smiling at the camera.

Technology

Try a few fun apps to ease your transition to parenthood.

Travel with baby: Cloud Baby Monitor, Baby Monitor HD by Sunshine Apps
Medical for baby: WebMD Baby
Breastfeeding (to track feedings): Baby Tracker
Breastfeeding (to track pumping): Milk Maid
Baby timers and trackers: Total Baby
Nighttime feedings: Flashlight
Colic/fussing: Baby Shusher, White Noise Baby
Public restroom finder (for blowouts or nursing): SitOrSquat
Photos of baby: Little Nugget, Chatbooks