You are not going to find a bunch of dude talk and stereotypes at UPKiQ. Dads matter. Involved fathers bring positive benefits to children that no one else can exactly duplicate.
Here’s what research shows us. Dads who take interest in their children positively affect their children’s cognitive ability, psychological well-being, and social behavior. Fathers who treat the mothers of their children with respect and who deal with conflict rationally and appropriately are likely to raise boys who know how to treat women respectfully. Girls who are loved and appreciated by their fathers see how they should be treated and are more likely to engage in non-abusive relationships with men. Let it be said: children need their fathers, and mothers need support.79
Now, on to our practical tips just for dad. Expect this collection of advice to be witty, unedited, and straight to the point!
- Expect your wife or partner to be completely nuts throughout pregnancy.
- Expect your wife to be the center of attention throughout pregnancy. Then expect your baby to be the center of attention after birth. Notice that you, the father, are never the center of attention.
- Offer foot and back rubs freely during pregnancy and your wife will want to have sex with you more.
- Your wife is going to nag you endlessly about moving to a bigger house, and then your baby will sleep in your bed until he is three.
- My wife obsessed about moving out of our apartment into a home in the suburbs because we were going to host grandparents and need extra bedrooms for the children. Now she misses the city. Go figure.
- Don’t renovate the house while you are expecting and don’t even think about smoking, including celebratory cigars.
- That pregnancy-nesting thing is for real. My wife was Swiffering the walls before baby arrived.
- Don’t wait until the last minute to find a day care, nanny, or babysitter. Your wife or partner is going to freak out when she goes back to work anyway, but it helps to have found someone who is vetted early.
- Don’t worry too much about losing your social life with a newborn. Babies are fairly portable for restaurants and such. Toddlers are a different story.
- I’m here to tell you: you’re not going to get laid as much after baby, but a little understanding will go a long way. It does get better.
- Try to help out more around the house. In the first few months of pregnancy, the smells of cleaning products will make her sick, and by the last few months, bending over the bathtub is rough.
- When the dishes start to stack up in the sink, especially in the first trimester, it’s time to get your lazy, selfish butt off the couch and do the dishes.
- My wife snored like a bear when she was pregnant, which was funny at first. After several months, I decided that I better get to bed first.
- Some days you might regret even getting pregnant, especially if your wife is uncomfortable and whining all the time. Just support her and know that one-day you will not even know what life looks like without your child.
- Agreeing on a baby budget can be tough. However, you need to have the conversation. Set rules for purchases, too, especially baby clothes (you don’t need any). Get involved with the baby registry process if you want to have a say in what you are spending.
- Don’t be surprised if agreeing on a name for your baby is really hard. You may have your heart set on a family name, while your wife says “no way” because it reminds her of some silly guy or girl in grade school.
- Come up with ground rules if you anticipate a fight over naming the baby, such as “Dad names a boy, and mom names a girl.”
- Mothers-in-law can be tricky during pregnancy. My mom did not agree with us having our baby with a midwife and doula instead of a doctor. She always had snarky comments to make about natural birth, how much we were spending on baby products, etc. She nearly drove my wife crazy.
- Tell your significant other to relax about her baby shower. Families live apart today, so just try to be happy with whoever shows up.
- Take a birthing class together.
- Expect the birth plan to go out the window. My wife wanted a natural birth with our firstborn, and she freaked out when she had to have a C-section. Now we have a healthy kid in elementary school. A healthy baby and mom are all that really matters.
- Don’t sweat it if your wife yells at you during labor. Just stay by her side and focus on her and a healthy delivery.
- Be in charge of installing the car seat. Watch a few YouTube videos and just do it before your wife hits the panic button.
- Educate yourself and your family on postpartum depression. Understanding is half the battle.
- Catch up on your favorite action movies. Your home theater system will not be entertaining loud explosions once baby arrives.
- Parenting requires on-the-job training for mom and dad. Remember that everyone is learning as they go along.
- Get involved with baby planning during pregnancy, and you won’t feel so left out after baby arrives. You don’t have to obsess over details, but just show that you care.
- Just remember, though you may be in a support role during pregnancy, you are not the backup parent.
- Correct your wife when she asks you to babysit. You don’t babysit your own child.
- It is easy to wonder if your baby even needs you through pregnancy and the newborn phase, but just wait. Your time is coming, and sometimes dads have a way of being more patient and forgiving later when it comes to children making messes, stress, or just knowing how to calm everyone down.
- Hanging out with my kids is so much more rewarding than work. I wish I had understood that when my children were young.
- Remember that you get to set your own rules for Fatherhood. You don’t have to be just like your dad.
- When you are thinking about being a dad, write down all the men who were positive role models in your life: your own dad, a grandfather, an uncle, a coach, a teacher, etc. Now emulate the characteristics that you appreciated for your own child.
Source
79. Office on Child Abuse and Neglect, U.S.C.s.B., J. Rosenberg, and W.B. Wilcox Fathers and Their Impact on Children’s Well-Being The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children, 2006.